Wistful chapter 37 Whispers

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Gia woke to Holiday lightly pinching her arm – she knew that meant the girl wanted her to wake up quietly. She opened her eyes, coming face to face with Holiday who still slept wrapped in her arms. It took her a moment to understand why Holiday had woken her the way she had, but she heard the voices.

One of that of the new guard and the other Aleksey. They spoke in Ukrainian low and quick, very blunt in the way the language sometimes sounded. She listened silently as the conversation progressed even though she couldn’t understand any of it.

When the conversation seemed to be nearing its end, was then that she decided to 'wake up'. She slowly sat up and shook Holiday as if she wasn’t already awake. “Come on, Hols, time to get up.”

She pretended just notice the guard in the room and quickly reached for the shawl, she had gotten from Becky a few months back, to cover up her thin tank top - in the summer, their once freezing prison became a muggy and too warm one.

Aleksey said something to the guard that made the other man scoff but look away. Gia could guess what he said and nearly scoffed herself.

“Come, its time for your work.” The guard said roughly.

Gia and Holiday both climbed to their feet.

Gia intended on not saying anything to Aleksey or even look at him, but he grabbed her roughly by her chin as she and Holiday walked by – forcing her to look at him. She winced because of the spilt in her lip he had given her just the night before. She groaned in frustration and tried to get her face back, but he he’d on tighter.

“Don’t be that way,” he pointed aggressively at the three, tender looking scratch marks going down the side of his face, “you hurt me too!”

She finally got her face back and stumbled backwards. “You deserved it.” She spat.

He laughed shortly from his chest. “Kiss our son for me when you see him.”

She grabbed Holiday’s hand quickly and followed the guard out, fixing their head scarfs along the way.

(WW)

Gia drew open Becky’s curtains once they were in her bedroom. “It’s time to get up, Becky.” Gia said dryly.

The woman cursed her out and covered her face with her blanket. Gia shot Holiday a look that had the child silently laughing.

“Come on, ma’am. Your doctor is coming today and we don’t want him complaining again about your smell.”

Becky threw the blanket off her face. “I fucking hate your guts, you black bitch! And I swear to God that if I didn’t want at least one more child out of your ass I would have tossed you in a ditch!” She screamed. Gia was unfazed. “Better yet, how about this? You an that trailer trash start trying again tonight. I want a little girl!” Gia was still unfazed as she waited for Becky to stop her rant. “And you’re the one to talk about anyone smelling! Go brush your fucking teeth in my bathroom, there’s an extra toothbrush underneath the cabinet! I can smell your breaths from here!”

“Come on, Holiday. We have to go brush our teeth.”

“That was funny, mommy.” Holiday said. Gia handed her the toothbrush she had found underneath the cabinet, already home to a line of toothpaste.

“I was being honest.” She whispered back. “That’s what her doctor said.” She knew they didn’t smell like roses themselves, but at least they had a reason.

Holiday spat the tooth paste out of her mouth after brushing and handed the brush back to Gia. “I remember I use to not be able to reach the sink.” Holiday said a bit in awe as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. “Or is this counter just lower, mommy, then the one at grandpa’s?”

“No…” Gia smiled a bit sadly. “You’re a little taller.” She added more toothpaste for herself to the brush and started to brush her teeth but paused.

“What were they talking about, Hols?” She asked quietly.

Holiday sat her chin on the counter and stared at her own reflection. She spoke after a few seconds: “I think…they were talking about Jeffery coming home in two weeks.” Gia frowned. “They said something about getting him or something? Waiting on something…I think. They were talking sort of quick. Too fast for me.”

Gia frowned. What could that mean? She mulled it over as she brushed her teeth. Holiday used the running water to scrub at her face, Gia decided that was a good idea and did the same after she finished her teeth.

Things moved as they normally would after that. Gia got Becky out of bed and into her wheelchair (insults and verbal abuse happened), she and Holiday made the bed and cleaned up a little while Becky read through her mail. Then, they had gone down to get the woman’s breakfast.

“What in the hell is he doing with my money?” Gia heard Becky grumble to herself as she set her food on the small table in the room. Becky tossed the papers she was reading onto the table. “Where’s my coffee!” The woman demanded.

“On the tray,” Gia pointed and struggled to keep her voice even.

Becky sneered at her but grabbed the coffee mug from the said tray. “Go take care of my son instead of standing there looking stupid and looking at me!”

“I was just making sure you didn’t need anything else.” Gia explained. Becky waved her off with a bird.

Gia’s face didn’t show her disdain until she had turned her back to the woman. “Come, Holiday.” She called. Once they were out in the hall, Gia came to a slow stop. She realized she had forgotten to get Sullivan’s oatmeal when she had gotten Becky’s breakfast. She let out a breath. “Holiday, can you run down and see if the cook has the baby’s breakfast ready…”

“Oh, we forgot it!” Holiday said, also seeming to just remember.

“Just be careful coming up the stairs with it, it might be a little hot.”

“I know,” Holiday nodded before she dashed off.

Gia composed herself – she had too. She pushed open the door to the white and blue bedroom, finding the one year old standing up in his crib – waiting. When he saw her, he bounced excitedly and babbled nonsense.

Gia stepped into the room but came to a stop halfway to the crib. She avoided looking at the young child as he reached for her to take him out of the crib. She waited on Holiday and the food.

Gia didn’t think, she refused to. This child was not hers; she didn’t want him to be hers. Holiday returned with the oatmeal quickly – and Gia fed the child his breakfast without even having to take him from the crib – one spoon full of warm oats at a time.

He munched happily and grabbed her hand in his tiny little clutches whenever she brought the spoon to his mouth. It was like a shock to her system every single time, but he had to be fed.

“This is a cute outfit, right, mommy?” Holiday asked. Gia had given her the job of picking out Sullivan’s outfit for that day. Holiday had picked out an outfit with little green frogs on it – it even had a matching hat.

“That’s prefect,” Gia commented after merely glancing at the outfit take make sure it was weather appropriate just in case Becky wanted to go outside that day. She picked the young toddler up out of his crib and sat him on the floor in one quick movement. The baby, unstable on his feet grabbed onto her pant leg to steady himself.

Gia gently removed his hands from her and placed them on the side of the crib for him to hang onto instead. She moved into the bathroom located in the room and wet a cloth before reentered the room.

Holiday was playing with Sullivan when Gia returned, helping him take wobbly steps across the room. “Look, mommy,” Holiday let go of Sullivan’s hands to show the baby could stand on his own.

“He should be able to walk soon, right?”

“Maybe…probably… your sister and brother were already walking by now – ten months for both of them. He’s only 12 months old though so…he’s okay.” Gia used the rag to wipe of the baby’s face – which caused him to lose his balance and fall on his behind. It was a soft fall onto one of his giant teddy bears, so he didn’t cry. Gia finished up by wiping off his hands before she returned to the bathroom to hang up the rag.

“Come on, Sulli, you can’t let Collin and Elle beat you by that much – they’ll never let you live it down!” Holiday was back to coaching the baby to walk on his own. Sullivan smiled at her with sparse little teeth, oblivious to what she was saying but happy to play and have attention. “You’re the youngest but that doesn’t mean you have to take their junk when we get back! Not that they would give you any junk…Elle’s really nice! She’ll like you!”

Gia let out a quiet breath. “Holiday…”

The little girl ignored her as she let go of Sullivan’s hands again. “Come on, you can do it. Mommy said Collin and Elle could do it by now, so as our little brother you can too!”

“Holiday!” Gia snapped; patience gone.

Sullivan lost his balance and fell, while Holiday looked up at her sadly. “You made him fall…”

Gia tugged the corner of her scarf and frowned deeply at her daughter. “We’ve talked about this, Hols. Sullivan isn’t your little brother. He is not my baby, he’s Becky’s. Becky is his mommy.”

She’d talked about this a countless number of times with Holiday, but the little girl still referred to Sullivan as her baby brother – not in front of Becky – but mostly when they were alone. That right there told Gia, that Holiday knew what she was doing and understood what she meant when she said Sullivan was not her brother.

Holiday sat down in front of the baby as he struggled back to his feet, she nibbled on her bottom lip. “I had Becky as a mommy… I feel bad for him when I think he has to have Becky as a mommy.” The child said with quiet honesty, she refused to look at Gia.

Gia didn’t want to feel what she felt because of Holiday’s words, but she felt the feelings anyway. She honestly didn’t want to feel anything when it came to Sullivan, but it was hard. So very hard. She didn’t think Sullivan should have to have Becky as a mommy either. She also felt bad when she thought about it.

But Sullivan… This child, this little flaxen haired, blue eyed, pale baby represented everything she resented. He was a walking, breathing, representation of her pain and circumstance. Her whole pregnancy she hadn’t wanted him in her belly and sometimes as she laid awake at night – crying, because she always cried at night – she would wish the baby inside of her would just disappear. Feeling this way had mad her feel terrible, like a thing worse than Becky. A person no better than Becky.

She hadn’t felt this way with any of her other children and none of them had been particularly… a choice. But it was just different with Sullivan…she hadn’t wanted him, and she had been perfectly fine with giving him to Becky.

It made her feel sick with herself.

Gia settled down on the dark blue carpet with her daughter and Sullivan. Holiday turned to face her, clearly sensing she was about to ask her something.

“If he were my baby, Holiday, he would have to go through what you do. You still think having me as a mommy is better than having Becky as one? You know what you go through, Hols.”

“Yes,” Holiday answered without any hesitation. Tears filled her eyes and she shrugged, seeming not to know what else to say. She played with her fingers and sniffled quietly, but she was clearly fight the tears in her eyes.

Tears filled Gia’ s eyes as well. She did not want to cry. She hadn’t cried in front of Holiday in a long time, but the little girl’s words seemed to want to be her undoing. Lucky or unlucky for her, Sullivan decided to crawl in her lap and hold up a tiny little finger, showing off an even tinier cut he had gotten outside a few days ago. It was scabbed over and nearly healed.

Somehow, she knew what he wanted – she knew he wanted her to do what she had done when he had first picked put the broken stick and it cut him and he burst out into tears. She rushed over to him thinking he had been bit by something or seriously hurt, only to be so overcome with so much relief that it was just a tiny cut, that she kissed the booboo like she would have any of her other children, and told him ‘all better’. He had been amazed. She wasn’t sure why; she just remembered his little mouth had fallen open and he had stared at her with wide eyes.

Gia kissed the tiny, healed booboo quickly and the baby giggled happily.

(WW)

Once Sullivan was down for his morning nap, Gia left Holiday to watch the baby while she went to give Becky her bath.

She hated it because she had never felt so much like a slave before in her life in those times. Washing the woman’s back and hair and helping her naked body in and out of the of the bath, drying her off, and dressing her.

She had to do all of this while Becky hurled insults and talked nonsense.

She ran the soaping wet wash rag over the woman’s back, but her mind was on darker things. Darker things like pushing Becky’s head underneath the water and holding it there. She thought she could do it; Becky was skinner then her – not eating because she was too busy worrying about where her husband was - and she didn’t have use of her legs. She actually knew she could overpower Becky if she wanted, it was just the guard who always waited outside the bedroom door that was the issue.

“He’s not cheating on me!” Gia blinked out of her thoughts, dropping the rag into the large garden tub. She looked at the back of the woman’s blonde head and didn’t say anything. She hadn’t said anything to begin with. “He’s not! I know that’s what you were thinking!”

Gia couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips and aimed at the back of Becky’s head. “I wasn’t thinking that at all, ma’am.” She said flatly despite her smile. If only Becky had known her true thoughts.

“You’re a dirty liar! I know you’re just gloatin’! I can still get any man I want unlike you!”

Gia assumed Becky didn’t want any man and that she wanted her husband, which was why she was so bothered by his recent behavior. “Okay…”

“He’s coming home next week and you’ll see!”

Suddenly Becky grabbed her hand and sunk her nails into it, reminiscent to times when she used to do it when Gia had first fell into her clutches. Gia winced softly but had no other reaction. She waited and eventually Becky released her without a word before proceeding to burst into tears.

Gia smiled at the back of the woman’s head again.

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